Mis Queridas Rosas ; My Beloved Roses

     I wish my roses were still alive to this day, but the discoveries continue to educate me. I see that the negative feedback of my rose bush dying has started to affect the plants around it.

9 Nov. 2014

 

    "Everything is dry and starting to die.

Dull, colorless, and gloomy is all I see.

I hate Fall. Fall is when all the green starts turning into brown; colors that look faded and ugly. The only green left in my garden is the bit of grass that covers less than a fourth of my garden." - My Field Notes

     I witness the changes in Nature every year but I have never observed the changes until now. I don't really like it and it makes me sad having to see my roses dead everyday because I planted the rose bush and I raised the bush. I watered it and watched my roses grow. I saw my rose bush as a child. I did everything that a Mother does to raise a Baby(except the diaper thing ew).

     My Mom said, "Mi hija no te aguites, todo se muere. Yo se que quidastes tus rosas bien pero todo se muere. Es la naturaleza. En vez de estar aguitada, escribe lo que sientes. Eso es lo que ice yo cuando se fue tu Papa.."
In English,  she said, " Daughter don't be sad, everything dies. I know that you took care of your roses well but everything dies. It's a part of nature. Instead of being sad you should write about your feelings. That's what I did when your Dad left.."
     
      I took my Mom's advice and I wrote about my roses.
 

 

 

 Mis Cuatro Rosas



 

Mis bellas cuatro rosas.
Rositas y Delicadas;
Un symbolo de Poder;

Ellas se reproducieron;

Floriaron;

Y se murieron.

Nada quedo de su hermoso color;

Solo el recuerdo de sus bellas petalos.

 -Itzayana Silva

 

My Four Roses

My beautiful four roses.
Pink and Delicate;
A symbol of Power;

They reproduced;

Bloomed;

And died.

Nothing remained of their gorgeous color;

But the memory of their beautiful petals.

  -Itzayana Silva

 

 





Desires take Time to come True

     It's been a long time since I've been to San Rancho Rafael Park close to The University of Nevada, Reno. I love going there because of the dog park, the pond, the trails, the pathways, the gardens and the history all in one place, but the main reason is because I get unaware of my surroundings.
 I meditate and ask myself why my parents got divorced and why am I the one who has to see my mom struggle?

      I have this app downloaded on my phone called Iheartradio, where I can listen to any Radio station no matter where I'm at. While my dogs were rolling on the grass embracing the feeling of the being tired, I put in my earphones to listen to my favorite Radio Station Wild 102.9 but when I tuned in, there was no music playing. It was Bella the woman who hosts the Station on Sundays from 12p.m. to 3p.m. Eager as I was to listen to music I didn't know what was worse; listening to her or not listening at all. But, she came to an interesting topic about how some Women are playing both Roles of a Mother and a Father figure.

       Mom and Dad have been together for 17 years. Their love story was tragic and so was their divorce. Was I the one to blame? I was and still am in the middle of this misery. I remember Mom bought 3 dozen roses to show Dad how much she loved him but Dad burned them in the chimney in front of us and left; vanishing like the fog from a scary movie when the day gets better..

        There are certain questions that are left that can not be answered but one tries to find answers, clues or even hints on why they happen. But I think that is not my Destiny. I believe my destiny is to find out why Mom bought THOSE 3 DOZEN ROSES. Why did she do it? What do roses mean and why is there men who think they deserve a woman's love and hard work for their Family?

         2 Nov. 2014

 



       "As I sit here on this bench with great despair, how come I'm enjoying this beautiful thing called Eye Sight? These Roses are flawless and I don't deserve seeing them as my soul is full of flaws..
I don't know the meaning of why roses are here on this Planet and why they exist?! I have been observing them for weeks.. My vision and all these websites I've been reading tell me nothing." - My Field Notes

        If I can not find a useful way of using my vision, why do I have eyesight? I have not yet found a way on how I am going to help my Mom with bills and her happiness because I'm always at school either busy with my homework and or sports and I seem to never have time.
 I wish to no longer see my Mom struggle but Bella said, "Keep having Hope, because all your problems will soon be answered within time."

    
        "I want to encourage women to embrace their own uniqueness. Because just like a rose is beautiful, so is a sunflower, so is a peony. I mean, all flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that's like women too." -Miranda kurr
As I was sitting on this bench I couldn't helped but noticed a gorgeous rose bush next to me.

Picture taken by Me on 2 Nov. 2014

This rose bush has a Rose that appears much taller, stronger and prettier than the rest of the other roses. When I saw that rose I imagined my Mom;
How strong she is;
Her beauty;
Her strength;
and Her height because she stands out more than any other person that I have come to know. She's a woman who should embrace her own uniqueness and I know my aspirations of helping her will happen within time.





Roses aren't always Red..

       Roses are very momentous.
Roses are given to their partner and are sometimes misinterpreted on what they actually mean when  they are received. Some people give roses based on their partners' favorite color; without knowing that each color has its own significance.

Blue: The unattainable, the impossible.
Pink: Appreciation, Gratitude, "Thank you".
Light Pink: Admiration, Sympathy, Gentleness.
Dark Pink: "Please believe me", Perfect Happiness.
White: Purity, " I am worthy of you", innocence, Happy Love, Secrecy.
Yellow: Joy, Gladness, Friendship.
Lavender: Love at first sight, Enchantment.
Red: Courage and Respect, Romantic Love, Passion, Sincere, and Unconscious Beauty.

       I received a dozen of dark pink roses on my Birthday from a boy who is now my ex boyfriend, but they were jaw-dropping!


Picture Taken by Me on 2/14/14
Picture from My Photo Albums

They were so precious and I was so excited when he gave them to me! I jumped on him and gave him many kisses all over his face and thanked him! I was one happy girl! But unfortunately like many relationships, we argued and fought over the dumbest reason. I asked him why he even gave me those roses and he responded with this piercing tone and said " I gave those to you because you said you loved pink roses. Pink's your favorite color and I didn't know what else to give you! You didn't give me anything for my birthday anyways!"

       I didn't know if he actually meant what he had told me but by our recent conversation he had no idea that each color of roses had their own significance. I thought he knew what each color meant..
When he gave me my Pink roses I told myself " Damn, my baby thinks our relationship is Perfect and we have perfect Happiness." But of course, I was wrong. How come I didn't know how ignorant he was?

      I don't like receiving gifts on my birthday if that person doesn't know why they're giving it to me.
People always think that they have to give buy someone else an object or something worth money to make the birthday boy or birthday girl happy. That's not true though.

     One can actually make a card full of deep thought made of household items without spending a single dollar. The only thing that they would have to spend is time, and that card could mean so much more than $100 worth of meaningless items bought at a store.
Material is one thing , but Thought is another.

       I am optimistic and when most of my roses fully died(Stem black, head black) I managed to keep one alive 'til this day.

Picture Taken by Me on 10/26/14

My mom called me a lunatic because she has never seen a rose partially alive after one month, let alone after 8 months. She asked me how I did it but I cannot answer her, I do not know how I did it myself but I do know why.

     "We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." - Martin Luther King Jr.
Yes, sometimes I am let down by the ones I love, but I still have hope my ex boyfriend will know the importance of giving not receiving.

       I kept my rose alive by having Hope.

Hope is the only thing Stronger than Fear

      Nature and the Earth Fear Us Humans. Why is that? Or for what reasons..?

      Because We, Humans, do not care.

      Today, October 19, 2014 I witnessed the heartless act of a human being.

      "I live on a busy street 'Greenbrae Dr.' which normally has a lot of cars passing by whether it's during the day or night.
 I was outside in front yard watering my plants and I went to go turn off the hose. When I turned around I was glimpsing at my front yard with pride because well, I am proud of my yard and all of it's hard work that I put into it.
I have two dogs that love when I go outside because they know that I will spend 15 minutes petting each of them and talk to them in an angel-like voice and compliment them saying how wonderful and good dogs they are.
While I was petting my dog Gypsi, I turned to my left to look at the street and I happened to witness a Black Audi a6 possibly a 2005, Litter. It was a man(Couldn't tell what his Race was)that literally put down his window and Littered. It all happened so fast but he threw trash on the street! On My Street in front of My House!" -My Field Notes

       It infuriates me to see the ignorance of some people and know that they don't have the knowledge or education to know that Littering is wrong! Littering spoils the attractiveness of roadways (such as Los Angeles) as well as urban an rural landscapes causing serious health and safety issues that will potentially impact humans, wildlife, and the environment.

       It's very unfortunate for me to have to witness this almost everyday and fear that it won't ever stop or change. But, I'm not the only one who thinks it's unfortunate and has fear. The Earth does too.

       Nature is afraid of Us as well, because We sometimes forget to water our plants and think that it's ok for Us to cut down trees for "Lumber" and to "Expand our Cities".

       It's these cold-hearted acts that We do not "intentionally" do, but do them anyway and think that it doesn't harm some body or some thing.
        
       I know that the Earth and Nature don't have Voices, but imagine if they did.? What would they tell us?

       I'm not so sure why Insects fear Us though. Like Flies. Do they fear Us because We think they're annoying and because, when they get into our houses We always try to kill them? I guess I'll never find out until there's a book on "Why Insects Fear Us" and I read it,
but today a curious fly landed on my hand while I was singing. It wasn't afraid of me when I made strong hand movements and when I flicked it so it can go away, it flew back to me.
No I did not have any food around me to say that it was attracted to my food but it was just attracted to me for some reason when I sang. The fly would come to me when I started singing but then flew away when I stopped. Why though?
Can flies hear the vibrations that We Humans create when we make noise?

Video Taken by Me

Photo Taken By Me



 

        I was thinking and it all made sense! When The fly landed on me I wanted it to go away but when it actually flew away when I stopped singing, I hoped that it would come back when I would start to sing again! And it did!
       What if I didn't Hope that the fly will come back ? Would the Fly's fear overcome the Fly's Instinct and flown away far from me?



        I Hope that one day, We Humans come to our senses someday and stop with the Careless acts that We CAUSE today..

       
      

      

If You Forget Me

If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

Pablo Neruda Famous Poets and Poems

       I have a characteristic of ignorance when it comes to understanding the Bad in Life. I'm not proud of it, but why is it that I do not know the importance of Appreciation? Why do I stop appreciating a plant when it dies? Is it because I'm to busy Ignoring my surroundings? Or because I feel as if the Plant gave up on me, so I gave up on It as well?

       I learned something these past two days. I've been talking to one of Uncles about Death in both Humans and Plants.

       He gave me a beautiful quote that he told me I should follow.
“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love—then make that day count!”

       I've never thought of Life being a privilege...

       Does that mean that when my rose died, and dried, and her beauty slowly turned into a dull piece of Nature, that her privilege was limited?

      My questions made me change my perspective.

      Death is part of The Circle of Life and it happens whether we like it or not. Death can makes us mad, sad, but we can't do anything about it.

      So, if a Plant dies all you can do is hope that it will again regrow next year.

      “Forget yesterday - it has already forgotten you. Don't sweat tomorrow - you haven't even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift - today.” -Steve Maraboli

       I learned that my Rose forgot me but I had already forgotten her...







      
    
     

The Tunnel-like Hole!

       It's Thursday morning and I just finished watering my rose bush, I am so eager to find something interesting today!
       As I was wandering around my front yard nothing has caught my eye, so I went to my backyard. I don't really go to my backyard because everything is ugly, dry, there's dirt everywhere, there's no signs of green life, and my Father took down my trampoline; the life of my backyard.
        It's been weeks since the last time I've actually came back here and I found a list of things that were really eye-catching!

1. My mom's garden that she stopped watering because she lost hope.

                                                                 

Taken by Me

                                                                  
       2.  My really tall tree that reminds me of a tree that would be in the Woods and in a Scary Movie.
                                                            


Taken by Me

      3. This plant that has little holes in its leafs. Probably eaten by little bugs, and the first sign of green life! :')
                                                                 


Taken by Me

 

 

 

         4. My mom's old sprinkler that actually had a Spider Web!
                                                                  

Taken by Me
 

         5. The Hole!
The dark hole that has a small living plant growing inside of it(Probably the symbol of  "Hello I am Living Creature and have found my home in your backyard, leave me alone please.")
                                                                  

Taken by Me
 

      10/9/14
                 "There's a tunnel- like hole probably inhabited by a living creature. I grabbed a long stick and gently pushed it inside the hole to see if anything would pop out, but I realized it was wrong to disturb a living creature so I left it alone. Unfortunately, I have no idea what could be underneath, but I do have some ideas! I think it could be a Mole, Gophers, Squirrels, or a really big spider(like a camel spider I saw on Animal Kingdom. ) :(
                   I did leave a pile of peanuts though! Hopefully by tomorrow or Saturday they will be gone and eaten! My mission is to find out what's living inside that dark hole, and I WILL FIND OUT!"  -My Field Notes
 
                 

Eradication

         I gazed upon my favorite rose this afternoon. The one that's on the top of my rose bush;

the one filled with life, bursting of a soothing yet dark pink color, the one out of the four that actually catches your attention..

My rose was completely harmed from the center to its pedals.



 

         My first question was "Who did this or what did it?!" My roses were fine yesterday.. 

I assumed that it was my little cousin Eddie who was looking at them earlier today. He's really destructive so why wouldn't it have been him? He likes to piss me off so this effect on my rose could have been caused by my little cousin. Then I thought it was earwigs! But I've seen earwigs in my roses before and they never did anything. Why would they suddenly want to eat my rose now? Were they so hungry that they needed to eat half a rose?! My rose!

         Then I did a little research on Earwigs and this is what I found:

http://www.marinrose.org/earwigs.html

This website states that Earwigs could be the cause of a little harm on a rose because they eat roses with their little chewing mouthparts not pinchers.

 

       So it made me wonder;

 10/05/14

      "Do my eyes deceive what was once a beautiful rose? Is it still a rose even if it's harmed and incomplete?
I speak to be heard once more, and once more to be heard by that rose.
I'm a total freak and I would talk to that rose and tell it how beautiful it was. I know, I know. Talking to roses makes me sound like a crazy little turd, but it actually works. Nature can hear you just like the Earth can hear you, just like your surroundings can hear you, just like I can hear myself and just like you're hearing yourself reading this in your thoughts!
         But I forgot to talk to my favorite rose for the past two days, and I talk to my rose everyday. I knew my rose was sad because I didn't talk to her and she loves my voice. She can hear my urges and desires of how much I want her to keep growing. And, since she didn't hear me for 2 days does that mean that she just gave up? Did she give up and tell herself that it's okay for those stupid earwigs to eat her beauty up..?" - My Field Notes

          I came to the conclusion that it was the earwigs after all. The Eradication (complete destruction) they caused my favorite rose. Will my rose ever be beautiful again?