Mis Queridas Rosas ; My Beloved Roses

     I wish my roses were still alive to this day, but the discoveries continue to educate me. I see that the negative feedback of my rose bush dying has started to affect the plants around it.

9 Nov. 2014

 

    "Everything is dry and starting to die.

Dull, colorless, and gloomy is all I see.

I hate Fall. Fall is when all the green starts turning into brown; colors that look faded and ugly. The only green left in my garden is the bit of grass that covers less than a fourth of my garden." - My Field Notes

     I witness the changes in Nature every year but I have never observed the changes until now. I don't really like it and it makes me sad having to see my roses dead everyday because I planted the rose bush and I raised the bush. I watered it and watched my roses grow. I saw my rose bush as a child. I did everything that a Mother does to raise a Baby(except the diaper thing ew).

     My Mom said, "Mi hija no te aguites, todo se muere. Yo se que quidastes tus rosas bien pero todo se muere. Es la naturaleza. En vez de estar aguitada, escribe lo que sientes. Eso es lo que ice yo cuando se fue tu Papa.."
In English,  she said, " Daughter don't be sad, everything dies. I know that you took care of your roses well but everything dies. It's a part of nature. Instead of being sad you should write about your feelings. That's what I did when your Dad left.."
     
      I took my Mom's advice and I wrote about my roses.
 

 

 

 Mis Cuatro Rosas



 

Mis bellas cuatro rosas.
Rositas y Delicadas;
Un symbolo de Poder;

Ellas se reproducieron;

Floriaron;

Y se murieron.

Nada quedo de su hermoso color;

Solo el recuerdo de sus bellas petalos.

 -Itzayana Silva

 

My Four Roses

My beautiful four roses.
Pink and Delicate;
A symbol of Power;

They reproduced;

Bloomed;

And died.

Nothing remained of their gorgeous color;

But the memory of their beautiful petals.

  -Itzayana Silva

 

 





Desires take Time to come True

     It's been a long time since I've been to San Rancho Rafael Park close to The University of Nevada, Reno. I love going there because of the dog park, the pond, the trails, the pathways, the gardens and the history all in one place, but the main reason is because I get unaware of my surroundings.
 I meditate and ask myself why my parents got divorced and why am I the one who has to see my mom struggle?

      I have this app downloaded on my phone called Iheartradio, where I can listen to any Radio station no matter where I'm at. While my dogs were rolling on the grass embracing the feeling of the being tired, I put in my earphones to listen to my favorite Radio Station Wild 102.9 but when I tuned in, there was no music playing. It was Bella the woman who hosts the Station on Sundays from 12p.m. to 3p.m. Eager as I was to listen to music I didn't know what was worse; listening to her or not listening at all. But, she came to an interesting topic about how some Women are playing both Roles of a Mother and a Father figure.

       Mom and Dad have been together for 17 years. Their love story was tragic and so was their divorce. Was I the one to blame? I was and still am in the middle of this misery. I remember Mom bought 3 dozen roses to show Dad how much she loved him but Dad burned them in the chimney in front of us and left; vanishing like the fog from a scary movie when the day gets better..

        There are certain questions that are left that can not be answered but one tries to find answers, clues or even hints on why they happen. But I think that is not my Destiny. I believe my destiny is to find out why Mom bought THOSE 3 DOZEN ROSES. Why did she do it? What do roses mean and why is there men who think they deserve a woman's love and hard work for their Family?

         2 Nov. 2014

 



       "As I sit here on this bench with great despair, how come I'm enjoying this beautiful thing called Eye Sight? These Roses are flawless and I don't deserve seeing them as my soul is full of flaws..
I don't know the meaning of why roses are here on this Planet and why they exist?! I have been observing them for weeks.. My vision and all these websites I've been reading tell me nothing." - My Field Notes

        If I can not find a useful way of using my vision, why do I have eyesight? I have not yet found a way on how I am going to help my Mom with bills and her happiness because I'm always at school either busy with my homework and or sports and I seem to never have time.
 I wish to no longer see my Mom struggle but Bella said, "Keep having Hope, because all your problems will soon be answered within time."

    
        "I want to encourage women to embrace their own uniqueness. Because just like a rose is beautiful, so is a sunflower, so is a peony. I mean, all flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that's like women too." -Miranda kurr
As I was sitting on this bench I couldn't helped but noticed a gorgeous rose bush next to me.

Picture taken by Me on 2 Nov. 2014

This rose bush has a Rose that appears much taller, stronger and prettier than the rest of the other roses. When I saw that rose I imagined my Mom;
How strong she is;
Her beauty;
Her strength;
and Her height because she stands out more than any other person that I have come to know. She's a woman who should embrace her own uniqueness and I know my aspirations of helping her will happen within time.